Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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