So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
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