I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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