i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?