Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.