she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing