if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?