the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
