i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
