Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
