The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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