I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize