Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
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Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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