I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
