apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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