Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
too bad you live with your parents still
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
