Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
