we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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