I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
