We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
