he puts the penis in happiness.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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