You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
