I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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