Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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