meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
