Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
