I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
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Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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