Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
