at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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