So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
