so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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