If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
