Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
your thong is hanging out like whoa
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
