I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
