Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
