I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
