you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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