Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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