Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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