i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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