How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
