I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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