I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
