Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
