I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
