you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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