"it" just moved
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
