I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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