I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Fuck me I smell like cheese
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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