he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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