i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dick very happy bro
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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