my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
