The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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