I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
