My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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