All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
