And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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