She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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