I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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