do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
