Your mouth is God's brothel.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
