are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
