It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
